Baby B
Donation protected
Ever since I was little, my older sister Kristi wanted nothing more than to be a mom. I remember her having multiple baby dolls, Barbies, and best yet two younger sisters to hold, feed, and toilet train. My mom even has said that having Kristi in the house was such a big help. Ever since she married her husband Adam, they both wanted nothing more than to be parents, and have been lead by their Faith through this entire process. They both have demonstrated their solid team work and nurturing ways, time and time again. It has been heart breaking to see how this most recent failed adoption has occurred. I hope some day they can be the parents they want and definitely deserve to be. Here is a summary of their story, as told by Adam.
”My wife and I longed for a child. In a devastating turn of events our adoption is not successful...
Last October we got a message from someone we knew who was pregnant and wanted to adopt to us. She knew that she wanted her baby to grow up with two parents and our music and faith backgrounds were a bonus. At that time, the known biological father had left the scene in a violent huff. We walked alongside our birth mom through the last five months of her pregnancy sharing in ultrasounds, organization of the nursery and baby clothes, got to feel the baby kick, had a joint baby shower and mutually decided upon a name.
“Baby B” was born March 19th at 6:53am. In the state of Minnesota a birth dad can contest an adoption within 30 days of birth as he technically has 10 months to make any action (9 months of pregnancy + 30 days after birth). Biding his time our birth dad stepped up to disrupt the adoption and demand full custody in the final weeks. Despite his history and not being around during the pregnancy, as a biological father he has rights to “Baby B” and we as adoptive parents have no grounds.
We opted to place “Baby B” back with her birth mom so, at the impending court hearing, our birth mom can testify and prove that she can, and has been, parenting and caring for “Baby B”. Our birth mom is strong, courageous, determined and the hero in all of this. She has maturity beyond her years and her motherly instincts and down to earth personality prove that she is and will continue to be a fantastic mom.
Still the whole situation seems unfair and not right. Our attorney said it's the birth moms that suffer in these cases because if our birth mom chooses not to parent then “Baby B” would automatically go to her dad and given his criminal history, and lifestyle choices our birth mom knows that would not be in “Baby B”’s best interest. So despite our birth mom’s best intentions and wish for a better life for her child and herself she has no choice. The attorney has also seen enough cases to know that nothing in our birth dads criminal history would be enough to deem him unfit to parent as psychology says having both parents involved, regardless of life circumstance (even cases of incarceration), is best for the child.
So after caring for this sweet baby girl for five weeks, learning her personality and mannerisms we are heart broken, crushed, and placed her back with her courageous birth mom. We have peace knowing she is safe and have all the faith in our birth mom who is already sharing updates of rocking the mom life, keeping up with a full time job, homework and raising a infant.
Having “Baby B” in our home has been the most joyous five weeks of our marriage and walking through pregnancy alongside our birth mom has brought light and hope to us and for that we are grateful. And yet, we grieve a loss that seems we will never be the same again. Where this leaves us now is broken and void of the family we thought would be built with this precious little girl. All that to say we press on, regroup, and lean into each other as husband and wife and on the network of so many who have walked with us thus far. We only want what is best for “Baby B”. We thought that would be with us, but God has other plans for her.
This fund is twofold:
1. support our birth mother as she requires legal fees as well as preparing for motherhood
2. Support the next for us, we won't go into too much detail, but we are exploring infertility treatment again as well as the need to replenish our adoption savings account
The donations will be split evenly between our birth mother and our family plans.
”My wife and I longed for a child. In a devastating turn of events our adoption is not successful...
Last October we got a message from someone we knew who was pregnant and wanted to adopt to us. She knew that she wanted her baby to grow up with two parents and our music and faith backgrounds were a bonus. At that time, the known biological father had left the scene in a violent huff. We walked alongside our birth mom through the last five months of her pregnancy sharing in ultrasounds, organization of the nursery and baby clothes, got to feel the baby kick, had a joint baby shower and mutually decided upon a name.
“Baby B” was born March 19th at 6:53am. In the state of Minnesota a birth dad can contest an adoption within 30 days of birth as he technically has 10 months to make any action (9 months of pregnancy + 30 days after birth). Biding his time our birth dad stepped up to disrupt the adoption and demand full custody in the final weeks. Despite his history and not being around during the pregnancy, as a biological father he has rights to “Baby B” and we as adoptive parents have no grounds.
We opted to place “Baby B” back with her birth mom so, at the impending court hearing, our birth mom can testify and prove that she can, and has been, parenting and caring for “Baby B”. Our birth mom is strong, courageous, determined and the hero in all of this. She has maturity beyond her years and her motherly instincts and down to earth personality prove that she is and will continue to be a fantastic mom.
Still the whole situation seems unfair and not right. Our attorney said it's the birth moms that suffer in these cases because if our birth mom chooses not to parent then “Baby B” would automatically go to her dad and given his criminal history, and lifestyle choices our birth mom knows that would not be in “Baby B”’s best interest. So despite our birth mom’s best intentions and wish for a better life for her child and herself she has no choice. The attorney has also seen enough cases to know that nothing in our birth dads criminal history would be enough to deem him unfit to parent as psychology says having both parents involved, regardless of life circumstance (even cases of incarceration), is best for the child.
So after caring for this sweet baby girl for five weeks, learning her personality and mannerisms we are heart broken, crushed, and placed her back with her courageous birth mom. We have peace knowing she is safe and have all the faith in our birth mom who is already sharing updates of rocking the mom life, keeping up with a full time job, homework and raising a infant.
Having “Baby B” in our home has been the most joyous five weeks of our marriage and walking through pregnancy alongside our birth mom has brought light and hope to us and for that we are grateful. And yet, we grieve a loss that seems we will never be the same again. Where this leaves us now is broken and void of the family we thought would be built with this precious little girl. All that to say we press on, regroup, and lean into each other as husband and wife and on the network of so many who have walked with us thus far. We only want what is best for “Baby B”. We thought that would be with us, but God has other plans for her.
This fund is twofold:
1. support our birth mother as she requires legal fees as well as preparing for motherhood
2. Support the next for us, we won't go into too much detail, but we are exploring infertility treatment again as well as the need to replenish our adoption savings account
The donations will be split evenly between our birth mother and our family plans.
Organizer
Mindy Mae
Organizer
Virginia, MN
