Nicholas' Recovery and Treatment Action Plan
Donation protected
I would like to start, as is done routinely before a legal testimony, with a statement of my intent to speak truthfully and openly.
And that was it. :P
TLDR: I will make an autobiography some day. A link to my school transcripts follows the post. This kid needs rigorous help from professionals around the clock for some time. The goal listed here is just the price for 1mo at a low end facility plus 2mo outpatient (40mile commute from friend in Nashville.) Gold standard being 3mo inpatient==residential. Skip background section.
Twitch get livestreaming notifications after following. Come chat - ask questions anything you need.
School transcripts - in case you want to build trust another way
BACKGROUND
As a child I was diagnosed with and received pharmaceutical treatment for attention-deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD). The first line Rx is to take stimulants as many already know. So I wouldn't even point to ethanol as my first "gateway drug." No, the first dealer I had was a highly successful child oriented psychiatrist. This is not to say stimulants (cough.. Caffeine.. cough.. ) do not help me get thoughts to paper and tasks accomplished. Indeed I had a cup today.
Fast forward to my late teens and beyond, past a wild ride which shall be reserved for an autobiography including but not limited to self-medicating, wizard staffs, bonfires, space-time and inter-mindensional explorations. Circa 2010, I end up in a confusing 3ish month stint with psychosis. Little bit of jail and in one of my moments of lucidity I was afraid I would not come back. Crisis #Sqrt(-1)
Later, and only after I zig zagged across the country, finally ending up in TN. Again you will want to read the future book for these shenanigans. Then, I go from a community college's finite math course to being at the top of my chemical engineering program at UT Knoxville with only four courses to graduate and about 50lbs underweight. I had begun to fray under my own frenetic perfectionism and then the love of my life, sole roommate, and support system, had to flee to India to see her father who called her every night, pass away. I fell into despair, failed courses, barely managing to convert them to incompletes only to fail to complete them later. Huge thanks to Anjali Nair and my mother who helped get me through this one. We went into the UT psychiatrist while I was in my height of mania and he was pretty comfortable amending my diagnosis of ADHD with comorbid depression with a high likelihood of Bipolar (I) Disorder.
Crisis #2
I tried taking classes in spring and fall 2019 to keep the debt collectors off but failed and again the next semester I used two more withdrawals. I suspect it is my fear of the next step in life. Making it in the business world is scary for people who want-but are not sure if they should--disclose their mental wellness challenges. Diagnoses be darned, I know the only thing I'm consistent with is creative inconsistency. And that leads us to:
Crisis #3: Circa Q1 2020, Anwesha Dasgupta is back in India and I lose concern with life. I stop caring to refill my mood-stabilizers and overtake antipsychotics just to sleep-off. Sleep-off is hinglish (hindi-english). She returns and I willingly walk with support from friends into a post jail landing pad, detox capable, bottom rung 30 day rehab where you eat yellowish chicken bun fries only to get denied because my urine analysis is just too clean. They were definitely still running drugs in that place. Lots of money talk. Thank god, I got sent to the 72hr crisis stabilization unit. There, I met people who totally sympathized with my wyrd brain and had experienced similar triggering events which we discussed in groups.
Currently, I am just coming down from Crisis #4 which nearly put Anwesha herself into the crisis unit. This one was as bad as the first and this time it convinced me. "You weren't already XD?" This time my episode was set off by the current social, economic, political, and cagey status rather than substances. I know our neuroscience is not in step with the psychiatric diagnostic manual, I aced the intro course (see transcripts below), but I need to go learn intensively how to live and not destroy my work, relationships, and myself. There are facilities for this. Unfortunately, I have negative money to pay back to UT and these places are exceedingly expensive.
Last but not the least, I feel incredibly grateful that I’m not fighting the demon that those who fall into the dark morass of opioid addiction-one positive. I realize, however, after this past crisis I have a long way to go and I am ready to get help.
TIMELINE
I plan to keep streaming costume creation/cooking/ until a week after Halloween. After which I will hopefully have enough funds to self admit into
REWARDS ohgeeze (yes they compound)
FREE watch me make my costume and hang out on my twitch channel to ask questions if you have concerns or just to check on me in general. If you make an account you will be notified when im live. Sorry that I dont have a schedule for streaming yet. Preferred times? Contact me. Presumably, you can also follow updates on gofundme.
$20 . Gets you access to digital images of my completed, unique costume. The singularity already started guys. You want to see it I promise. How else can you? The full costume will only be worn and shown for 2 days before and 1 day after Halloween on my Twitch livestream.
$100 … you do this and oh boy. You get on a priority list to play in my socially distanced roleplaying game. I’ll be spinning up a universe--kind of like a Tolkein/D&D + RickNMorty/South park hybrid. This will be operated remotely through a website I have played on before called Roll20.org. We can go ham and include dynamic light effects if wanted + maps and NO ONE has to buy a single set of dice :D. I could also do a family friendly version if there is demand.
$200 ….. Now you are in the club to receive an exclusive FULL COLOR 3d printed sandstone copy of my costume. Little bit of nick to keep your other decorations protected. I do have to learn how to make texture maps and maybe the new 3D design freeware by AutoDesk (TY Phillip Scruggs for telling me). This I can do. I’m already looking at tutorials.
$300 Optional additional fee estimated by a minimum part charge to upgrade to fancy plastic printed by a Stratasys J750 printer. Texture and resolution will be enhanced. Same texture map required.
So I am asking my family, friends, and anyone who can, throw me a twenty and leave my stream open. You can totally mute the audio or mute the tab ... you know where it shows which tab is making noise.. you can click the crescendo speaker just fyi.
Thank you all for hearing me and being supportive. Please share, Liking optional.
Twitch
School transcripts
And that was it. :P
TLDR: I will make an autobiography some day. A link to my school transcripts follows the post. This kid needs rigorous help from professionals around the clock for some time. The goal listed here is just the price for 1mo at a low end facility plus 2mo outpatient (40mile commute from friend in Nashville.) Gold standard being 3mo inpatient==residential. Skip background section.
Twitch get livestreaming notifications after following. Come chat - ask questions anything you need.
School transcripts - in case you want to build trust another way
BACKGROUND
As a child I was diagnosed with and received pharmaceutical treatment for attention-deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD). The first line Rx is to take stimulants as many already know. So I wouldn't even point to ethanol as my first "gateway drug." No, the first dealer I had was a highly successful child oriented psychiatrist. This is not to say stimulants (cough.. Caffeine.. cough.. ) do not help me get thoughts to paper and tasks accomplished. Indeed I had a cup today.
Fast forward to my late teens and beyond, past a wild ride which shall be reserved for an autobiography including but not limited to self-medicating, wizard staffs, bonfires, space-time and inter-mindensional explorations. Circa 2010, I end up in a confusing 3ish month stint with psychosis. Little bit of jail and in one of my moments of lucidity I was afraid I would not come back. Crisis #Sqrt(-1)
Later, and only after I zig zagged across the country, finally ending up in TN. Again you will want to read the future book for these shenanigans. Then, I go from a community college's finite math course to being at the top of my chemical engineering program at UT Knoxville with only four courses to graduate and about 50lbs underweight. I had begun to fray under my own frenetic perfectionism and then the love of my life, sole roommate, and support system, had to flee to India to see her father who called her every night, pass away. I fell into despair, failed courses, barely managing to convert them to incompletes only to fail to complete them later. Huge thanks to Anjali Nair and my mother who helped get me through this one. We went into the UT psychiatrist while I was in my height of mania and he was pretty comfortable amending my diagnosis of ADHD with comorbid depression with a high likelihood of Bipolar (I) Disorder.
Crisis #2
I tried taking classes in spring and fall 2019 to keep the debt collectors off but failed and again the next semester I used two more withdrawals. I suspect it is my fear of the next step in life. Making it in the business world is scary for people who want-but are not sure if they should--disclose their mental wellness challenges. Diagnoses be darned, I know the only thing I'm consistent with is creative inconsistency. And that leads us to:
Crisis #3: Circa Q1 2020, Anwesha Dasgupta is back in India and I lose concern with life. I stop caring to refill my mood-stabilizers and overtake antipsychotics just to sleep-off. Sleep-off is hinglish (hindi-english). She returns and I willingly walk with support from friends into a post jail landing pad, detox capable, bottom rung 30 day rehab where you eat yellowish chicken bun fries only to get denied because my urine analysis is just too clean. They were definitely still running drugs in that place. Lots of money talk. Thank god, I got sent to the 72hr crisis stabilization unit. There, I met people who totally sympathized with my wyrd brain and had experienced similar triggering events which we discussed in groups.
Currently, I am just coming down from Crisis #4 which nearly put Anwesha herself into the crisis unit. This one was as bad as the first and this time it convinced me. "You weren't already XD?" This time my episode was set off by the current social, economic, political, and cagey status rather than substances. I know our neuroscience is not in step with the psychiatric diagnostic manual, I aced the intro course (see transcripts below), but I need to go learn intensively how to live and not destroy my work, relationships, and myself. There are facilities for this. Unfortunately, I have negative money to pay back to UT and these places are exceedingly expensive.
Last but not the least, I feel incredibly grateful that I’m not fighting the demon that those who fall into the dark morass of opioid addiction-one positive. I realize, however, after this past crisis I have a long way to go and I am ready to get help.
TIMELINE
I plan to keep streaming costume creation/cooking/ until a week after Halloween. After which I will hopefully have enough funds to self admit into
REWARDS ohgeeze (yes they compound)
FREE watch me make my costume and hang out on my twitch channel to ask questions if you have concerns or just to check on me in general. If you make an account you will be notified when im live. Sorry that I dont have a schedule for streaming yet. Preferred times? Contact me. Presumably, you can also follow updates on gofundme.
$20 . Gets you access to digital images of my completed, unique costume. The singularity already started guys. You want to see it I promise. How else can you? The full costume will only be worn and shown for 2 days before and 1 day after Halloween on my Twitch livestream.
$100 … you do this and oh boy. You get on a priority list to play in my socially distanced roleplaying game. I’ll be spinning up a universe--kind of like a Tolkein/D&D + RickNMorty/South park hybrid. This will be operated remotely through a website I have played on before called Roll20.org. We can go ham and include dynamic light effects if wanted + maps and NO ONE has to buy a single set of dice :D. I could also do a family friendly version if there is demand.
$200 ….. Now you are in the club to receive an exclusive FULL COLOR 3d printed sandstone copy of my costume. Little bit of nick to keep your other decorations protected. I do have to learn how to make texture maps and maybe the new 3D design freeware by AutoDesk (TY Phillip Scruggs for telling me). This I can do. I’m already looking at tutorials.
$300 Optional additional fee estimated by a minimum part charge to upgrade to fancy plastic printed by a Stratasys J750 printer. Texture and resolution will be enhanced. Same texture map required.
So I am asking my family, friends, and anyone who can, throw me a twenty and leave my stream open. You can totally mute the audio or mute the tab ... you know where it shows which tab is making noise.. you can click the crescendo speaker just fyi.
Thank you all for hearing me and being supportive. Please share, Liking optional.
Twitch
School transcripts
Fundraising team (3)
Nicholas Wadsworth
Organiser
Knoxville, TN
Savannah Wadsworth Rhoads
Beneficiary
Heidi Schoeneck
Team member
Malachi Wadsworth
Team member
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